darkhavens: (sx a love eternal [literati])
darkhavens ([personal profile] darkhavens) wrote2004-10-19 01:30 am
Entry tags:

Set of 4 drabbles for [profile] open_on_sunday's challenge #82 - Shakespeare



Author: darkhavens
Title: Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow
Pairing: S/X
Rating: PG-13 (erring on the side of caution)
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made.

A set of four drabbles, quotes acting as titles of sorts. (I'm not a Shakespeare fan, so I garnered inspiration from the quotes themselves, not the work from whence they came.)


~~~~~


And since you know you cannot see yourself,
so well as by reflection, I, your glass,
will modestly discover to yourself,
that of yourself which you yet know not of.
                    Julius Caesar, Act 1 Scene 2


Xander leaned across and planted a swift kiss on a mouth open in shock, pulling back before he got lost in the feel of satin soft skin against his lips.

"You have no idea what I see when I look at you. You think I see a cold, harsh, punk who doesn't give a damn? No. I see the beauty in you, the caring in you. I see the loneliness, the love, the need to have someone to call your own, someone who'll call you theirs in turn. I want to be that someone, Spike. Let me be that someone..."


~~~~~


I have immortal longings in me.
                    "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 5 scene 2


It was a conversation Xander could only imagine having in the dark, curled beneath the bedclothes with his lover in his arms. He'd thought long and hard about what to say if Spike came out and asked. He never thought he'd be the one to voice forbidden words.

"It's been on my mind since Jesse died. Since Angel proved a vampire could be more than death and fangs, I've wondered... And then there was you and your love for Dru. And now there's us, and the choice is easy. Make me yours, Spike. Let me love you forever. Turn me."


~~~~~


The sands are number'd that make up my life.
                    Henry VI, Part 3, Act 1, Scene 4


...so I decided to write you instead. I'm sending everything to you, G-Man, (and I'm not apologising for that, either) because I know you'll be there for my girls to cry on when they learn why I won't be around any more. Spike didn't talk me into anything, I swear. I asked him, and the truth is, he turned me down at first. He said I didn't know what I was getting myself into, but I learned a lot from those books you never believed I actually read. He understands now.

So...

This is the last will and testament of..."



~~~~~


To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
                    Macbeth, Act 5, Scene 5


One hundred years and never a night apart. Two halves made whole, two hearts unbeating, one soul shared between them both. They lived well in the darkness, kept each other safe from harm. They watched as all they'd known slowly turned to dust and faded memories, but never once regretted what they'd done, though tears were spilt. They honoured long gone friends and watched their progeny grow up, so sure the bedtime stories were all make-believe and jest. They made their presence felt wherever demons roamed the earth. They revelled in the violence and the blood.

Their love was true.


~~~~~
ext_74119: (Spander (saifai))

[identity profile] saifai.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 12:51 am (UTC)(link)
*cuddles you* It's like a wonderful slashy mushy bed time story. Only with fairy tale vampire romance. *happy sigh*

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 01:43 am (UTC)(link)
*snuggles*

Thank you! :o)

[identity profile] amejisuto.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 01:07 am (UTC)(link)
Damn that was lovely. The emotions were so beautiful. Just great!!

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 01:45 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks, Sweetie! :o)

[identity profile] authoressnebula.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 01:19 am (UTC)(link)
The quotes were spot on. Loved the way everything connected, left you to imagine the past, present, and future, and all the love and beauty in between. Another wonderful set of drabbles, hun. Thanks for sharing!

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 01:51 am (UTC)(link)
I have Shakespeare quotes floating before my eyes now, but those jumped out at me, each with their part of the story attached. I'm glad they worked. Thank you!

[identity profile] literati.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 01:39 am (UTC)(link)
lovely as always sweetie.
so very romantic without being sappy :)

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 01:54 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks, darlin'. My head hurts too much to write sappy atm, and I was kinda wondering if they were too dark!

Love the icon. Does he goose Mulder with that hand?

[identity profile] queenofdenile.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 01:51 am (UTC)(link)
I'm so not a Spander fan (Spangel all the way, baby!) but this was just lovely. *applause*

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 01:56 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you! There's nothing more satisfying than praise from a non-believer. *g*

[identity profile] crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 02:00 am (UTC)(link)
Two halves made whole, two hearts unbeating, one soul shared between them both. Well, you know I'm a dedicated follower of Shakespeare, and these were so perfect in tone, my little queen of drabble.

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 02:08 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, thank you! I, alack and alas, am not a great fan of the bard, but I'd read so many quotes by the time I started writing that I was feeling a mite bardy myself. *g*

::wears the crown with pride:: Hee!

[identity profile] umbralillium.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 02:04 am (UTC)(link)
Meep! *purrs* Just what I needed after that dark!fic I wrote earlier. *pets the Kitten*

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 02:10 am (UTC)(link)
Hee! Thanks. A purr! Woohoo!

[identity profile] kat8cha.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 02:13 am (UTC)(link)
Okay, this was cute. I really enjoyed but the niceness but it left me with something lacking. Not complaining nice story, I just felt like something was missing.

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 07:45 pm (UTC)(link)
I just felt like something was missing

Ah, well, that might have been the drabbles I deleted because I wasn't happy with them. I had a pounding headache, which didn't do much for my lack of appreciation for Shakespeare, and I just couldn't concentrate enough to bring them up to spec, so . ;o)

[identity profile] katholicgrrl.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 02:37 am (UTC)(link)
That was so beautiful! i cried a little bit. the quotes were perfect!

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 07:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Aw, thank you! ::passes you a tissue::

I was a bit worried about that last quote, because it seems to end on a low note, but the drabble doesn't. I'm glad they worked!

[identity profile] savoytruffle.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 02:42 am (UTC)(link)
absolutely lovely as usual. just the right kind of heartbreaking.

(no subject)

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com - 2004-10-19 19:59 (UTC) - Expand

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[identity profile] paperk8.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 05:48 am (UTC)(link)
I. am. going. to. cry.
I don't cry. Especially not for fic. Okay... maybe once in awhile for exceptional things

Do you know how well that reads aloud?
I always have to read Shakespeare aloud, and the drabbles called for it too. It's gorgeous. And so well pieced.
Lovely.

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 07:53 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, thank you! ::passes you a tissue::

I have a habit of reading my stuff aloud to see if it flows properly. I'm overjoyed that it worked so well for you!

*smooch*

[identity profile] reremouse.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 07:28 am (UTC)(link)
Lovely. So much story told through such little windows.

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 07:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks! :o)

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ext_11979: (Default)

[identity profile] suki-blue.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 09:39 am (UTC)(link)
Lovely. Really enjoyed. So much feeling.

What's going on? Everyone is suddenly writing all this emotional stuff! I don't think my heart can take much more. ~Snifles~ I feel all tearful.

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 07:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Awwwwwwwwwww. ::passes you a tissue:: *g*

I don't know about everyone else, but I'm blaming Will S for this load of emotion.

Thanks!

[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_beetle_/ 2004-10-19 11:34 am (UTC)(link)
I'm not a Shakespeare fan, either, but I sure as heck can't do this!

They honoured long gone friends and watched their progeny grow up, so sure the bedtime stories were all make-believe and jest. They made their presence felt wherever demons roamed the earth. They revelled in the violence and the blood.

Their love was true.


Damn right it was! This rocks!

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-10-19 07:57 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks! :o)

[identity profile] persephone-20.livejournal.com 2004-10-22 06:01 am (UTC)(link)
Awwwwwww, you used my favorite 'Tomorrow' Shakespeare quote, I'm so pleased. You did it justice too!

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-10-22 06:16 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you! That quote was the one I was most unsure of. It was the longest one I used, and said so much. I'm glad someone who loves the quote is happy with what I created from it. :o)

(no subject)

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com - 2004-10-22 06:30 (UTC) - Expand

For a selected few on my Flist...

(Anonymous) 2004-10-25 01:48 am (UTC)(link)
Untitled S/X

Xander wasn’t sure if he could do this. He needed the money and he knew he was perfect for the part. Perfect enough to be hired on after just one reading. The trouble was, he never would have auditioned if he’d known who the leading man would be.

William. His William. But no, that had been a long time ago. And he wasn’t even going by that name anymore. Blond hair dye, a name change and three thousand miles between them had definitely proven to Xander that William, no, it was Spike now… wasn’t his anymore.

It was now or never. Xander sighed and tried his best to look confident as he walked through the door. Cameras were placed strategically around, the set large and spectacular, taking his breathe away. A far cry from the theater group’s small stage and setup he was used to. This was something big. He could feel it. A new beginning for him to prove to the world he was real. That he could fit in with the Hollywood crowd.

He truly believed that. Believed he belonged there, until he felt the eyes on him. Two years and he could still remember how it felt to be the center of William’s attention. That’s what he was when they were together. Part of a whole. A couple. Something he hadn’t felt since. He pushed down the lump and blinked, turning his body to face his fears and found himself staring into the burning blue eyes of his ex-lover.

Re: For a selected few on my Flist...

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-10-25 03:44 am (UTC)(link)
oooooooooooooooh, very intriguing...

::impossibly curious::

Part 2

(Anonymous) - 2004-10-25 03:48 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Part 2

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com - 2004-10-25 04:54 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Part 3

(Anonymous) - 2004-10-25 05:44 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Part 3

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com - 2004-10-25 06:04 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Part 3

(Anonymous) - 2004-10-25 06:24 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Part 3

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com - 2004-10-25 06:31 (UTC) - Expand

Part 4

(Anonymous) - 2004-10-25 23:45 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Part 4

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com - 2004-10-26 02:25 (UTC) - Expand

Part 5

(Anonymous) - 2004-10-26 02:34 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Part 5

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com - 2004-10-26 02:38 (UTC) - Expand

Part 6

(Anonymous) - 2004-10-26 12:42 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Part 6

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com - 2004-10-26 19:48 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Part 6

[identity profile] sherebis.livejournal.com - 2004-11-12 03:59 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Part 6

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com - 2004-11-12 04:04 (UTC) - Expand

Part 7

(Anonymous) 2004-10-28 06:13 am (UTC)(link)
It had been eight days since their discussion in the hallway and Spike was miserable. Seeing Xander everyday, being so close to him brought back too many memories he’d long forgotten. He found himself watching, feeling things and longing to be the way they used to be. Through the hurt, he realized the deep love he still held, the reason he hadn’t let anyone else in since. Spike had convinced himself that he was too busy for a relationship, that he enjoyed the countless and nameless one-night stands. But on those nights when he was alone, he began lying awake, remembering all the reasons he’d fallen in love with Xander in the first place.

It was late on a Friday night, actually early Saturday morning when they finally wrapped for the weekend. Xander had long since stopped trying to talk to Spike. He’d learned his lesson, tired of being told to fuck off, sod off, get bent or any of the other British euphemisms Spike was so fond of. Each night, he’d retreat wordlessly into his trailer, gather his belongings and drive back to the small hotel he was calling home for the moment.

With a bag of toiletries in hand, he was standing with his key in the trailer door when he heard the footsteps behind him.

“Xander.”

That voice. That damned sexy accent. He shivered at the way his name slid so easily off Spike’s tongue. He immediately felt the tension grip his shoulders, but he managed to turn around to the voice.

“Spike.”

He was standing, half lit by a small light on the trailer, smoking a cigarette. “You did good tonight.”

Xander shrugged off the compliment. “I guess.” He turned back around, locked the door and then slid the key into his pocket while turning back to face Spike.

“Take some credit. It was a bloody hard scene.”

Xander’s saddened eyes darted away. “Wasn’t so hard.” Too easy to cry when Spike had been looking at him with so much sympathy.

Xander shrugged and began walking, intent on making it to his car, surprised when Spike tossed his cigarette and fell in step beside him. After half a minute or so, he stopped and turned to face the other man. “What are you doing? Last I remember, just a few days ago you were telling me to leave you the fuck alone.”

Spike sighed, kicking the dirt and then looked Xander’s way. “Yeah, about that. Look, if what’s his name isn’t the jealous type, maybe we could go for a cup of coffee?”


~*~


Xander stared in confusion for a moment. His brain went into overload. Who was Spike… Oh!, what’s his name. “I’m not... I mean we’re not…”

Spike’s expression changed to confusion, matching Xander’s own. “I just figured…”

“No. He’s not here with me.”

An eyebrow rose. “Ah. Keeping the home fires burning, eh?”

“Spike.”

“Guess he won’t mind then. You being here, him there. Cup of coffee’s just a cup of coffee.”

“Spike. We’re not… I’m not with him.”

Spike couldn’t hide the relief he felt at those four words. Xander couldn’t have said anything that would have made him happier. “Anyone else waiting for you then?”

Xander answered with a shake of his head. “Just me. And I’m really in the mood for coffee.”

Re: Part 7

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-10-28 06:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you! I would have seen this sooner but I've had email/server/hosting probs... again. ::kicks OXHosting in the squidgy bits::

Spike weakened after Xander had given up, thank gods! It must have been all that crying and emoting in-scene. *g*

He caaaaaaaaares! :o)

Part 8

(Anonymous) 2004-11-01 06:03 am (UTC)(link)
Spike cradled his mug, sitting sideways in the booth with his leg cocked up in the seat watching Xander pour nine packets of sugar into his mocha. When Xander finally looked up, he caught the intense smile.

“What?”

“You always did have a taste for the sweet stuff.”

“And you always took yours black.” Xander smiled back. “I guess that’s why you were the one who always had the six-pack abs.”

Spike let his eyes travel the length of Xander’s torso that wasn’t hidden behind the small booth table. “Back then, maybe. Now it looks like you’ve been hitting the gym.”

Xander shrugged. “Just figured I should start taking care of myself.”

Spike cocked an eyebrow. “Fairly sure you turn some heads, pet.”

A crimson blush crept over his face but Xander didn’t miss the subtle term he’d been so fond of when they were together. Pet, luv, Xan…all endearments saved exclusively for him. He traced the rim of his coffee cup and pondered how many others since then had enjoyed his nicknames.

Spike noticed the shift in mood and began fidgeting with the empty packets lying on the table. They both looked up at the same time, catching each other’s gaze. Both had questions and both were afraid to ask.

A blink later, Xander gained the courage. After all, there was a time he could have told this man anything. This was still William, no matter what had happened between them. “I’m sorry if my being here makes you uncomfortable.”

This time, it was Spike who shrugged. “I asked you for coffee, remember?”

He shook his head. “You know I’m not talking about the fucking coffee. I’m talking about me showing up in your life, feeling like…I don’t even know how I feel about it.”

Blue eyes looked up, lost and uncertain. “What happened to us, Xan? I thought we were happy. Until that day, I thought you were happy. Why’d you…were you just pretending to want me?”

All the pain came flooding to the surface. If Spike had only known how it had killed Xander to watch him walk out the door. To let him go when all he really wanted to do was beg him to stay. But he couldn’t, because it wouldn’t have been fair. Not to someone as energetic and full of life as his lover had been.

So here they were, two years later and Xander decided again that a lie was better then the truth. “I was afraid.”







Re: Part 8

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-11-01 10:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Yay! More actory fic! Thankee. :o)

I want to bop Xander over the head and tell him not to keep lying. It ony causes more troubles.

And... nine packets of sugar? ::shudders::

Part 9

(Anonymous) 2004-11-02 03:27 am (UTC)(link)
“Afraid?”

“To spend the rest of my life with someone? Forever? I guess I got cold feet. I was just too stupid to talk to you about it.” It sounded like a good a story as any and Xander was hoping Spike would buy it.

“Forever was the bloody point. I thought its what you wanted! One week later and we would have been in Hawaii, properly committed, ‘til death do us part. Instead, I find you shagging that nancy-boy Aaron, Adam, whatever the bloody fuck his name was when we should have been packing our sodding suitcases!”

“Andrew.” His eyes were focused on the table, too ashamed to meet Spike’s.

Spike shook his head and picked up his cigarettes, tapping one out, letting Xander see the shakiness as he tried to light it. “Right. Andrew,” he repeated venomously.

Xander waited. He watched while Spike smoked, knowing the cigarette would calm him and then finally said, “It didn’t mean anything.”

The heated look Xander received could have melted metal. “Oh yeah, he was just the bloke you’d been shagging behind my back. The reason you threw away an entire bloody year.”

“Wil.”

“Unless, maybe you were talking about me…or us. Is that it, Xander? What we had didn’t mean anything to you?”

Xander’s eyes widened. “God, no! How could you even… of course you meant something! You were everything!”

“Funny way of showin’ it, mate.”

“I just… really screwed it up, didn’t I?” Xander asked with a sigh. “Didn’t know what I was doing.”

“Guess it doesn’t much matter now. Two years is a long time. Nearly forgotten about it before you showed up,” Spike lied.

Xander nodded. “I’m glad things are good for you, Spike.” He gave a half smile, not at all how he was really feeling. “Spike.” He let it slip off his tongue. “That still sounds weird.”

“But it was Spike that got me my first role. Not William.”

“Yeah. I know.”

The blond head tilted.

“I saw it,” Xander answered, staring into his coffee cup. “Actually,” he looked up, “I’ve seen ‘em all.”

With a raise of the eyebrow, Spike smiled.

“Everything except this one. I really didn’t know you were gonna be here.”

“Would you’ve taken the part if you’d known?”

Xander contemplated for a moment and then smiled. “I didn’t think so at first, but yeah,” he nodded, “I’m glad I did. At least for the chance to say I screwed up. And maybe for a chance to win your friendship back?”

“You don’t have to win anything, Harris. As bad as it was after…” Spike sighed and then took another deep breath. “Not being there was harder.”

“I never would’ve imagined my life without you, and you know what?”

Spike shrugged and Xander answered.

“It pretty much sucked.”

























Re: Part 9

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-11-02 03:59 am (UTC)(link)
Andrew! And a commitment ceremony? Oh, Xander, how could you?
::sniffles::
He's gotta tell the truth eventually cos I'm dying of curiosity!

Thank you so much for sharing this fic like this. *smooch*

Part 10

(Anonymous) 2004-11-03 05:02 am (UTC)(link)
“Nine ball in the corner pocket.”

Xander watched, cradling his pool cue as Spike sunk the last ball on the table for the third time in a row. When the blond head rose up, smirk planted firmly in place, Xander caught the glimmer of familiarity in the blue eyes. This was the person he’d known back then, when they were just starting out as friends. Before the relationship, before they became lovers, before they decided to spend the rest of their lives together, before… When everything was still right in the world.

“Fuck.”

“That’s three beers you owe me, Harris. Ready to quit embarrassing yourself yet?”

Xander answered with a shake of the head. “Just getting warmed up.”

“That was your excuse two racks ago. I think it’s time you just admit I’m better and cut your losses.”

Xander’s pout went unnoticed as Spike picked up his mug and downed the last of its contents. Taking Spike’s advice, Xander placed the cue in the rack on the wall and sat down on a stool in the corner. Spike joined him, motioning to the waitress, leaning over the table inches away from Xander. “It’s alright. She gives it to me for free anyway.”

They’d been spending time together in the two weeks since their talk at the coffeehouse. Rekindling a lost friendship, both easing back into the comfort of being around each other without any expectations. The past was left behind, each content to trade the old memories for newer, less painful ones.

“How is it that you can come in here and no one bothers you? Not a single picture? Autograph?”

With a shrug of his shoulders, Spike passed it off. “Used to me. Been thrown outta here more times than I can count. Just another bloke as far as they’re concerned.”

Xander smiled. “Is it hard?”

“What?”

“All the fans… always wanting something from you. Expecting… things.”

The smirk fell in place again as Spike reached for a cigarette. “Things, Harris?”

“You know, expecting you to…unless…” He couldn’t say it, instead stopping short and hoping Spike would finish for him.

“You tryin’ to ask me if I shag ‘em?”

Xander had the decency to look ashamed, but nodded anyway.














Re: Part 10

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-11-03 06:36 am (UTC)(link)
So, they're re-establishing their friendship. Difficult to do when Xander is still lying. ::shakes you him:: Tell meeeeeeeeee! *g*

Part 11

(Anonymous) 2004-11-09 04:19 am (UTC)(link)
“You really think this is such a good idea?”

Every night for three weeks, Xander and Spike would either leave the studio together or meet up shortly afterward. They’d usually grab a burger and end up at one of the local bars, shooting pool and drinking their fill. Tonight, though, Spike had different plans.

“Oh, C’mon. I come here all the time.” He scaled the wall and made it over the wooden fence, landing with a thud on the other side.

Xander cautiously did the same and wound up eating dirt as he tumbled over. Choking and coughing, he heard Spike laughing behind him, even as a hand was held out to help him up. Brushing off his jeans, Xander finally took notice of where they were.

“Wow. This place is…”

“Incredible. I know.”

Xander glanced around in amazement at the show of forgotten antiques. “What is this place?”

“A graveyard, of sorts,” Spike answered, moving forward deeper into the fenced in area. “Old cars, mostly antiques… abandoned and forgotten.” He ran his hand along the hood of a black business coupe, stripped down inside, left mostly intact outside.

“God, they’re beautiful.” Xander smiled, following Spike through the masses of deserted vehicles.

“I thought you’d enjoy this.” Spike stopped and leaned against a blue and white ’56 Chevy to light a cigarette. “I remember your passion for old cars.”

“I can’t believe they’re just sitting here!”

“People move on. Newer, better…faster.” Spike began walking again, leaving Xander to follow behind him. “In fact…” He reached his destination and jumped up to sit on the hood.

Xander’s eyes widened. “It’s your car! You brought the Desoto here?”

Spike shrugged. “Seemed the proper place. She was old, was costing me a small fortune to keep ‘er runnin’.”

“But, the Desoto. She was your baby.” Xander let his hand run along the edge of the front bumper and then stepped up, joining Spike to lie back against the windshield.

“Me and her… had some memories, that’s for sure.”

Xander chuckled and moved his hands to rest behind his head. “I remember making a few memories of our own.”

Spike grinned and flicked the finished cigarette to the ground. “Shagged you for the first time in this bloody car.” He shook his head and closed his eyes, taking a long, deep breath. “If the back seat could tell stories…”

A giggle came from beside him. “We’d probably be arrested.”

A smile ghosted on Spike’s lips and then slowly died. “Yeah, well. She’s just a heap of junk now. Like I said, people move on. Got myself a better model.” He stared up, gazing at the clear sky and stars above them.

The silence between them became uncomfortable as they both sought out their own thoughts. After a deep sigh, Xander cleared his throat, trying to find the place they’d made it to where the pain wasn’t so deep. “So, you come here often?” He chuckled at the cliché, trying to lighten the mood.

Spike’s thoughts didn’t budge. “Sometimes, when I want to think. And remember.”

“Don’t…” Xander pleaded.

“Do you ever think about us at all? Wonder what it would have been like? Because I do. I said I’d gotten over it, over you. But that’s impossible.” He sat up, turning his body to face Xander’s. “I think about you all the bloody time, Xan. You’re inside me. You broke my heart and then kept all the pieces so no one else would ever have a chance.”

“Wil…”

“When you showed up, I was furious. Couldn’t stand the thought that I might see you with someone else. With him.” He reached out, taking a chance and ran his finger along Xander’s cheek. “I wouldn’t have been able to handle that a second time.”

Xander blinked and took in the smell of the leather Spike was wearing as he moved closer toward him. “I was afraid of the same thing. That I’d see you with someone,” he whispered.

Spike bit his lower lip and moved even closer, his mouth hovering against Xander’s. “Why don’t we make this right, pet?” Slowly, he brushed the lips he’d dreamt about for two years, lingering, until xander began to kiss him back.

Re: Part 11

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-11-09 05:03 am (UTC)(link)
Wheee! You're back! ::bounces around like a demented puppy::

He dumped the DeSoto?! ::is stunned::
And that was where they first made love? Aaaaaaaaaaaaw!
And kissage. ::sigh::
Romantic and lovely, and I'm so very worried about those secrets Xander's keeping because they could cause trouble all over again. o.o

Thank you!

Part 12

(Anonymous) 2004-11-10 02:55 am (UTC)(link)
The kiss deepened, both men hungry for the taste of one another. Xander reached around, gripping the back of Spike’s neck and pulled him down for better access. Spike’s leg slid between Xander’s, his knee bent to balance his weight as he pressed the rest of his body against the one beneath him. “Missed you,” he whispered between breathless kisses. “Missed you so much.”

Xander let his fingers wander, reaching inside the leather duster to grip Spike’s shoulders. Slowly, he slid the coat down Spike’s arms until it was discarded beside them on the other side of the hood.

“Never thought I’d feel you again. Kiss you…” Xander’s voice tapered off as Spike dove in again, his tongue circling the inside of Xander’s mouth. Another kiss, deeper and more forceful caused both men to moan.

As Spike’s knee moved upward, applying pressure, rubbing firmly against Xander’s groin, he felt hands underneath his shirt, fingernails lightly scratching along his spine. Spike groaned against Xander’s lips and changed position, sliding his free leg inside to meet the other. He placed his hands on either side of Xander’s head and lifted his upper body so the only part touching were their hips. He began rocking, sliding denim against denim, moaning each time he felt the growing bulge meet his own.

“Did you miss this, Xan? I can feel how hard you are. Feel your cock pushing against me…”

“Aahhh, Wil. You feel so, oh that’s so good.” He pushed his head up, trying to lock onto the kiss bruised lips as he began thrusting his hips in time with Spike’s.

“That’s it, pet. Rock against me,” he said, his voice low and seductive, barely a purr in Xander’s ear. “Almost as good as when you’re inside me.” He let his teeth scrape the sensitive lobe and added, “or you could just fuck me.”

Xander heard the word and his body froze. Panic took hold and he began pushing Spike away.

“No. We can’t… I can’t do this. I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry, I just… I just can’t.” He chanced a look into Spike’s eyes and saw the confusion mixed with lingering desire. Desire for him. He blinked so he wouldn’t have to see the look and slid from the hood of the car. “We should never have… we shouldn’t have done this.”

Spike was still in shocked confusion, watching as Xander began moving away from him. “Xander?”

“I’ve gotta… I’m gonna go. Okay? I can make it to my car and I’ll just… I’ll see you tomorrow.” He wasn’t waiting for an answer, already moving quickly to the front of the junkyard.

“Xander! Wait!”

Xander ignored him and disappeared.

Re: Part 12

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-11-10 04:07 am (UTC)(link)
Uhoh. Now I have terrible visions of diseases and infections and stuff making Xander not able to do what they both want to Spike. :o(

Still, rubbing off on the hood of the car? Very hot and pretty, oh yes. Thankee!

Part 13

(Anonymous) 2004-11-10 05:53 pm (UTC)(link)
Having no scenes together, Xander managed to avoid Spike for three long days. His cell phone went unanswered, the caller ID letting him know every time Spike tried to reach him. He felt guilty for letting things go so far. He never should have been there. Never should have allowed the closeness to begin seeping back into his life. But Spike was his drug and he knew, deep down that if they spent enough time together, he’d fall just as hard as he had the first time around. There’s something to be said about finding that one special person.

He took another swallow from the bottle cradled between his legs and turned the television’s sound up louder to drown out the voices in his head.

Re: Part 13

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-11-11 12:11 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, he's so alone. Poor baby. :(

Make it better? ::flutters eyelashes:: Pwease?

Part 14

(Anonymous) 2004-11-12 04:12 am (UTC)(link)
“Where’s Harris?”

The director, looking more than a little perturbed waved his hand toward the open set. “Not here. Had three scenes to shoot today, too.”

“What, he didn’t show up?”

The other man shrugged. “Sick. Or so he told Jennifer.”

Spike’s brow rose and he turned his head to find Xander’s assistant. “Look, I don’t think there’s much I can do around here. Mind if I take off?”

“Pfft. Might as well. The day’s a wash. Just show up tomorrow morning ready to get back on schedule.”

Within a few minutes, Spike had managed to finagle an address and was on his way to find out what exactly what the hell was going on with Xander.

He pulled up to the small hotel, hardly believing Xander would actually be staying at a place like this until he saw the blue Trailblazer in the parking lot.

Walking along the rooms until he found the number Jennifer had given him, he stood for a minute debating before finally knocking on the door. There was no answer, but the sound of the blaring television told him Xander was there. He closed his fist and banged louder and more persistant. Finally, footsteps padded toward him and the door flung open.

Spike stared. Xander stared. Turning away, Xander left the door open and retreated into the small room. Beer in hand, he flopped onto the bed, leaned back on the headboard and divulged his attention toward the tv.

Spike wearily walked in, closing the door behind him and noticed the room in full detail. Empty bottles filled the trashcan until it overflowed, leaving the remaining ones to lie where they landed on the floor.

“You look like hell.”

Xander held up the bottle in toast fashion and took a healthy swig. “Looks are deceiving.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Very perceptive.”

Spike shook his head and moved closer to the bed. “You stink.”

Xander lifted his arm and took a small whiff. “And your point would be?”

Without answering, Spike took a cigarette from the pack in his pocket and slid it between his lips.

“No smoking in here.”

He sighed and slipped it back into his pocket.

Xander’s gaze fell on his bottle. “It’s funny. Even after you left, I used to always sit in the smoking section. I guess it was just out of habit.” He glanced at Spike with saddened eyes. “And then I just kind of… stopped.”

“You wanna tell me what’s going on, Harris?”

He waited and watched as a frown appeared on Xander’s lips. “I made it up. All of it. Everything about Andrew."

"What are you on about?"

"I'm trying to tell you I never fucked around on you." Xander hesitated and his voice softened into a whisper. "Not until that day.”

Re: Part 14

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-11-12 05:18 am (UTC)(link)
ooooooooooooh, intriguing. Now I wanna know why he cheated, why he lied, and... and.. and... :;bounces impatiently:: *smooch*

Part 15

(Anonymous) 2004-11-14 06:24 am (UTC)(link)
Spike’s hands slid into his coat pockets, wrapping the leather tight around his body as he sat down across from Xander on the opposite double bed. “You told me it’d been going on for two months.”

Xander shrugged. “I told you what you needed to hear.”

Spikes eyes narrowed. “What the buggering hell’s that supposed to mean?”

Xander calmly took another drink, tipping the bottle to finish it and then threw it beside the trashcan with the others. “I knew you’d forgive me if it was only once.” He chanced a look at Spike through eyes that held too many sad secrets. “I didn’t want you to forgive me. I told you what I had to, to make you leave.”

Silence enveloped them, Spike trying to comprehend what Xander was saying, Xander holding his breath, waiting for Spike to say something… anything. When nothing came, he moved, stumbling as he made his way to the extra bed. Slowly lowering himself down onto his knees on the floor directly in front of Spike, his hands slid to the sides of leather-covered thighs. As the first of many tears began to trickle, he turned his head sideways and placed it in Spike’s lap.

He sniffed and tried to talk, but his voice came out weak and shaky. “It killed me, watching you leave. It was the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever had to do.”

Spike took a few deep breaths, trying to keep it together while watching Xander loose his composure. He moved his hands, placing one on each side of the tear streaked cheeks and turned Xander’s head upward. He stared into those saddened eyes, blinking back his own emotions that were trying to break free. “I loved you, Xan. Just tell me... Why the lies?”

Xander closed his eyes, trying to hide from seeing the hurt.

“No. Open your eyes and look at me. Look at me and tell me why.”

“Wil…”

“No more excuses, Xander.”

More tears fell from Xander’s lids. He moved closer, easing his hands around to meet behind Spike’s back, gripping tight while trying to pull the other man toward him. “I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you. I just didn’t… I had to let you go. I didn’t want…”

Spike urged him on, his arms snaking around to rub circles against Xander’s back, shushing and trying to calm him. “I know. You were scared. You said that.”

“No. It was easier to tell you that, too.” His body shook, small tremors trying to subside as he finally opened up. “It was easier than trying to protect you. Trying to keep you from having to see…” He stopped, swallowing down the lump in his throat when he realized he couldn’t say it.

“See what, pet? Protect me from what?”

Xander’s hands squeezed harder against Spike’s back and he felt the arms around him take a stronger hold. “From me. I couldn’t take a chance, could never forgive myself…”

Panic rose inside Spike’s chest. An endless array of possibilities flashed through his mind and he stomped on all of them. Through gritted teeth, he managed, “Just say it.”

“I’m positive, Wil.” His head hung low, shading his eyes from Spike’s view. Barely audible, he repeated, “I tested positive.”

Re: Part 15

[identity profile] darkhavens.livejournal.com 2004-11-14 09:58 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh no! I was afraid of that. I've never been more unhappy to be right. :o(

Silly, self-sacrificing Xander. I hope Spike isn't going to freak out. This is heart-breaking!

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