Set of 4 drabbles for open_on_sunday's challenge #82 - Shakespeare

[darkhavens]

Author: darkhavens
Title: Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow
Pairing: S/X
Rating: PG-13 (erring on the side of caution)
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made.

A set of four drabbles, quotes acting as titles of sorts. (I'm not a Shakespeare fan, so I garnered inspiration from the quotes themselves, not the work from whence they came.)


~~~~~


And since you know you cannot see yourself,
so well as by reflection, I, your glass,
will modestly discover to yourself,
that of yourself which you yet know not of.
                    Julius Caesar, Act 1 Scene 2

Xander leaned across and planted a swift kiss on a mouth open in shock, pulling back before he got lost in the feel of satin soft skin against his lips.

"You have no idea what I see when I look at you. You think I see a cold, harsh, punk who doesn't give a damn? No. I see the beauty in you, the caring in you. I see the loneliness, the love, the need to have someone to call your own, someone who'll call you theirs in turn. I want to be that someone, Spike. Let me be that someone..."


~~~~~


I have immortal longings in me.
                    "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 5 scene 2

It was a conversation Xander could only imagine having in the dark, curled beneath the bedclothes with his lover in his arms. He'd thought long and hard about what to say if Spike came out and asked. He never thought he'd be the one to voice forbidden words.

"It's been on my mind since Jesse died. Since Angel proved a vampire could be more than death and fangs, I've wondered... And then there was you and your love for Dru. And now there's us, and the choice is easy. Make me yours, Spike. Let me love you forever. Turn me."


~~~~~


The sands are number'd that make up my life.
                    Henry VI, Part 3, Act 1, Scene 4

...so I decided to write you instead. I'm sending everything to you, G-Man, (and I'm not apologising for that, either) because I know you'll be there for my girls to cry on when they learn why I won't be around any more. Spike didn't talk me into anything, I swear. I asked him, and the truth is, he turned me down at first. He said I didn't know what I was getting myself into, but I learned a lot from those books you never believed I actually read. He understands now.

So...

This is the last will and testament of..."


~~~~~


To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
                    Macbeth, Act 5, Scene 5

One hundred years and never a night apart. Two halves made whole, two hearts unbeating, one soul shared between them both. They lived well in the darkness, kept each other safe from harm. They watched as all they'd known slowly turned to dust and faded memories, but never once regretted what they'd done, though tears were spilt. They honoured long gone friends and watched their progeny grow up, so sure the bedtime stories were all make-believe and jest. They made their presence felt wherever demons roamed the earth. They revelled in the violence and the blood.

Their love was true.


~~~~~

Comments

Part 15

[(Anonymous)]

Spike’s hands slid into his coat pockets, wrapping the leather tight around his body as he sat down across from Xander on the opposite double bed. “You told me it’d been going on for two months.”

Xander shrugged. “I told you what you needed to hear.”

Spikes eyes narrowed. “What the buggering hell’s that supposed to mean?”

Xander calmly took another drink, tipping the bottle to finish it and then threw it beside the trashcan with the others. “I knew you’d forgive me if it was only once.” He chanced a look at Spike through eyes that held too many sad secrets. “I didn’t want you to forgive me. I told you what I had to, to make you leave.”

Silence enveloped them, Spike trying to comprehend what Xander was saying, Xander holding his breath, waiting for Spike to say something… anything. When nothing came, he moved, stumbling as he made his way to the extra bed. Slowly lowering himself down onto his knees on the floor directly in front of Spike, his hands slid to the sides of leather-covered thighs. As the first of many tears began to trickle, he turned his head sideways and placed it in Spike’s lap.

He sniffed and tried to talk, but his voice came out weak and shaky. “It killed me, watching you leave. It was the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever had to do.”

Spike took a few deep breaths, trying to keep it together while watching Xander loose his composure. He moved his hands, placing one on each side of the tear streaked cheeks and turned Xander’s head upward. He stared into those saddened eyes, blinking back his own emotions that were trying to break free. “I loved you, Xan. Just tell me... Why the lies?”

Xander closed his eyes, trying to hide from seeing the hurt.

“No. Open your eyes and look at me. Look at me and tell me why.”

“Wil…”

“No more excuses, Xander.”

More tears fell from Xander’s lids. He moved closer, easing his hands around to meet behind Spike’s back, gripping tight while trying to pull the other man toward him. “I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you. I just didn’t… I had to let you go. I didn’t want…”

Spike urged him on, his arms snaking around to rub circles against Xander’s back, shushing and trying to calm him. “I know. You were scared. You said that.”

“No. It was easier to tell you that, too.” His body shook, small tremors trying to subside as he finally opened up. “It was easier than trying to protect you. Trying to keep you from having to see…” He stopped, swallowing down the lump in his throat when he realized he couldn’t say it.

“See what, pet? Protect me from what?”

Xander’s hands squeezed harder against Spike’s back and he felt the arms around him take a stronger hold. “From me. I couldn’t take a chance, could never forgive myself…”

Panic rose inside Spike’s chest. An endless array of possibilities flashed through his mind and he stomped on all of them. Through gritted teeth, he managed, “Just say it.”

“I’m positive, Wil.” His head hung low, shading his eyes from Spike’s view. Barely audible, he repeated, “I tested positive.”

Re: Part 15

[darkhavens.livejournal.com]

Oh no! I was afraid of that. I've never been more unhappy to be right. :o(

Silly, self-sacrificing Xander. I hope Spike isn't going to freak out. This is heart-breaking!