Set of 4 drabbles for ![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
open_on_sunday's challenge #82 - Shakespeare
Oct. 19th, 2004 01:30 amdarkhavensAuthor: darkhavens
Title: Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow
Pairing: S/X
Rating: PG-13 (erring on the side of caution)
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made.
A set of four drabbles, quotes acting as titles of sorts. (I'm not a Shakespeare fan, so I garnered inspiration from the quotes themselves, not the work from whence they came.)
~~~~~
And since you know you cannot see yourself,
so well as by reflection, I, your glass,
will modestly discover to yourself,
that of yourself which you yet know not of.
Julius Caesar, Act 1 Scene 2
Xander leaned across and planted a swift kiss on a mouth open in shock, pulling back before he got lost in the feel of satin soft skin against his lips.
"You have no idea what I see when I look at you. You think I see a cold, harsh, punk who doesn't give a damn? No. I see the beauty in you, the caring in you. I see the loneliness, the love, the need to have someone to call your own, someone who'll call you theirs in turn. I want to be that someone, Spike. Let me be that someone..."
~~~~~
I have immortal longings in me.
"Antony and Cleopatra", Act 5 scene 2
It was a conversation Xander could only imagine having in the dark, curled beneath the bedclothes with his lover in his arms. He'd thought long and hard about what to say if Spike came out and asked. He never thought he'd be the one to voice forbidden words.
"It's been on my mind since Jesse died. Since Angel proved a vampire could be more than death and fangs, I've wondered... And then there was you and your love for Dru. And now there's us, and the choice is easy. Make me yours, Spike. Let me love you forever. Turn me."
~~~~~
The sands are number'd that make up my life.
Henry VI, Part 3, Act 1, Scene 4
...so I decided to write you instead. I'm sending everything to you, G-Man, (and I'm not apologising for that, either) because I know you'll be there for my girls to cry on when they learn why I won't be around any more. Spike didn't talk me into anything, I swear. I asked him, and the truth is, he turned me down at first. He said I didn't know what I was getting myself into, but I learned a lot from those books you never believed I actually read. He understands now.
So...
This is the last will and testament of..."
~~~~~
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
Macbeth, Act 5, Scene 5
One hundred years and never a night apart. Two halves made whole, two hearts unbeating, one soul shared between them both. They lived well in the darkness, kept each other safe from harm. They watched as all they'd known slowly turned to dust and faded memories, but never once regretted what they'd done, though tears were spilt. They honoured long gone friends and watched their progeny grow up, so sure the bedtime stories were all make-believe and jest. They made their presence felt wherever demons roamed the earth. They revelled in the violence and the blood.
Their love was true.
~~~~~
For a selected few on my Flist...
on 2004-10-25 01:48 am (UTC)Xander wasn’t sure if he could do this. He needed the money and he knew he was perfect for the part. Perfect enough to be hired on after just one reading. The trouble was, he never would have auditioned if he’d known who the leading man would be.
William. His William. But no, that had been a long time ago. And he wasn’t even going by that name anymore. Blond hair dye, a name change and three thousand miles between them had definitely proven to Xander that William, no, it was Spike now… wasn’t his anymore.
It was now or never. Xander sighed and tried his best to look confident as he walked through the door. Cameras were placed strategically around, the set large and spectacular, taking his breathe away. A far cry from the theater group’s small stage and setup he was used to. This was something big. He could feel it. A new beginning for him to prove to the world he was real. That he could fit in with the Hollywood crowd.
He truly believed that. Believed he belonged there, until he felt the eyes on him. Two years and he could still remember how it felt to be the center of William’s attention. That’s what he was when they were together. Part of a whole. A couple. Something he hadn’t felt since. He pushed down the lump and blinked, turning his body to face his fears and found himself staring into the burning blue eyes of his ex-lover.
Re: For a selected few on my Flist...
on 2004-10-25 03:44 am (UTC)::impossibly curious::
Part 2
on 2004-10-25 03:48 am (UTC)He was waiting for the words to follow the silence. The tongue-lashing telling him to fuck off. He could remember it like yesterday, the last words Wil…Spike had said to him so long ago. Fuck off and out the door, leaving Xander standing in the middle of an apartment full of shared memories that would never go away, no matter how many other men he lured into his bed. It would always be their bed.
Right now, at this moment, Xander thought hearing those painful words might even be better than imagining whatever was running through Spike’s mind. At least then, Xander would know where he stood. He thought of turning around and walking away, making it easier for both of them. But when Spike’s head fell to the side, his eyes wandering the length of Xander’s body and some of the familiar heat stirred between them, all thoughts of leaving became null and void. He was here, he was staying and Spike would have to deal with it.
Xander switched his weight from one leg to the other and pushed his hands inside the pockets of his jeans. “So, this is what a real soundstage looks like.” Just talking to the other man had him chocked full of nervous energy. He looked around, knowing he was fidgeting, but forced himself not to run. “Sure beats the crappy places we had to deal with, huh.”
Re: Part 2
on 2004-10-25 04:54 am (UTC)I like! I like! Thank you!
::waits for more::
and I'm going mad with the not knowing who you are! Cats have got nothing on me when it comes to curiosity. *g*
Re: Part 3
on 2004-10-25 05:44 am (UTC)He waited until Xander finished talking, knowing he was waiting for him to answer and gave his best performance. “Just because you’re here, doesn’t mean we’re friends. We. Are. Not. Friends. We are not anything, you understand? I may have to work with you, and I can do that because I'm a professional and that’s what acting is. Pretending. So as long as you don’t fuck up and hit your marks, we’ll finish this thing and then we can go on about our lives. Until then, stay out of my fucking way.”
He turned around, gave his best swagger and disappeared before Xander could see him deflate. As he lit the cigarette between shaky fingers, he closed his eyes and conjured up the pain. He needed the reminder of why they weren’t together. He needed it so he could stop the tears before they had a chance to start.
Re: Part 3
on 2004-10-25 06:04 am (UTC)::puppy eyes::
Lovin' this!
Re: Part 3
on 2004-10-25 06:24 am (UTC)Re: Part 3
on 2004-10-25 06:31 am (UTC)::goes to bed so it will be 'tomorrow' that much sooner:: *g*
Part 4
on 2004-10-25 11:45 pm (UTC)Spike stopped, reacting to the voice that was stomping up behind him. He knew it would happen sooner or later. Xander was wearing him down, making him second-guess why he was still being so cold and heartless. His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides, his back facing Xander, waiting. He knew he should have just kept walking, but part of him wanted to do this. Needed it.
“Fuck off, Harris.”
Xander heard him and stopped before he reached Spike. Spoken in the same low tone, the words hurt now, just as bad as they had back then. But this time would be different. This time, he wouldn’t let Spike walk out.
“No, I won’t fuck off. We’ve been working together for two weeks! Two weeks and you won’t even acknowledge that I’m in the same room with you!”
Spike remained where he was, but Xander heard a short sigh. Maybe he was finally getting somewhere. “Spike.” When there was no answer, he tried again. “Wil.”
Spike turned around, a stern look to match the hurtful ‘fuck off’. “Don’t call me that.”
“Why? It’s who you are.”
“No. It’s who I was. And that was a long time ago.”
“Not so long…”
“Xander. Don’t do this.” He shook his head and said softly, “We can’t do this.” Spike turned and slumped against the wall, all bravado disappearing as Xander moved closer to him.
“I’m not trying to do anything, Spike. I just want…” His voice cracked with all the uncertainness he was feeling. “Look, I don’t care if we’re not friends. I don’t even care if you never want to see me again after this. I just can’t live with the thought of knowing you still hate me.”
He slowly slid his hands into his pockets and leaned back against the wall, mimicking Spike.
“You should have thought about that before you…” Spike stopped himself. He swore every day since Xander first arrived that he wasn’t going to bring it up. Wasn’t going to dwell on the past. It was hard enough just being around each other. Every smile, every lazy yawn, every accidental touch that couldn’t be avoided while working so closely together reminded him of what they’d lost. Of what he’d lost.
“I know. But whether you believe it or not, I’m sorry.”
Spike’s face snapped around in anger. “Sorry? That’s all you can say is that you’re sorry?”
“Well I am. What else do you expect me to say? What are you looking for?” Xander asked with as much emotion as he could expel.
Spike closed his eyes, tilting his head up toward the ceiling. “Why.”
“What?” Xander looked at Spike, forcing himself to stare into those blue eyes, seeing all the pain hidden behind the angry mask. He swallowed, trying to hold back the shakiness in his voice.
“That’s what’s been eating me alive for two sodding years. I left never knowing why.”
Xander shrugged, exhaling deeply. “I did it for you.”
Re: Part 4
on 2004-10-26 02:25 am (UTC)::is intrigued::
They're both hurting so much... more please? *g*
Part 5
on 2004-10-26 02:34 am (UTC)“You did it for me.”
Xander nodded.
“I come home to find you in our bed! You told me it’d been going on for two months! That you’d been fucking around on me for two fucking months and now you’re saying you did it for me.”
Xander swallowed and nodded again.
“Well that’s just fucking great, Harris. Next time, don’t do me any bloody favors.”
Spike turned, pushing off the wall and began to swagger down the hall, leaving Xander and his ‘I did it for you’ speech.
“Wil!”
“Sod off!” he growled, flipping two fingers at the other man behind him before he walked out the door.
Again, Xander wasn’t strong enough and let him leave.
Re: Part 5
on 2004-10-26 02:38 am (UTC)I wanna know - who? why?
::shakes him again::
Dayum!
Part 6
on 2004-10-26 12:42 pm (UTC)“Shh, I know. It’s alright. Everything’ll be okay.” With sheer gentleness, Spike reached up, pushing a wet strand of hair away from the other man’s face. “You know I’ll never let anything happen to you.”
Xander wiped the tears streaming down his cheeks with the sleeve of his shirt as he stared into Spike’s compassionate eyes.
“CUT!”
The sound of the director’s voice ended the scene and Spike and Xander moved away from each other to furthest ends of the sofa. It was the fifth take they’d filmed and Xander’s emotional state was declining rapidly. He knew it would be difficult, reading through the script and realizing how the scene was supposed to play out, but he wasn’t prepared for how much it would actually hurt. Each time he had to pour his heart out and see the tortured expression on Spike’s face, it became much less acting and a lot closer to real, feeling their own situation. As he wiped his face with the warm, damp towel, he looked up, noticing Spike stealing glances at him.
The next time the director yelled ‘cut’, to Xander’s surprise, Spike didn’t move away.
Re: Part 6
on 2004-10-26 07:48 pm (UTC)And Spike didn't move away after the last cut? Ooh, he's weakening...
::bounces and waits for more::
You are gonna introduce yourself after you're done, right? Cos I'm going nuts here wondering...
Re: Part 6
on 2004-11-12 03:59 am (UTC)Re: Part 6
on 2004-11-12 04:04 am (UTC)Just click on 'read comments' or 'view all comments' and scroll down. And enjoy!