Set of 4 drabbles for ![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
open_on_sunday's challenge #82 - Shakespeare
Oct. 19th, 2004 01:30 amdarkhavensAuthor: darkhavens
Title: Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow
Pairing: S/X
Rating: PG-13 (erring on the side of caution)
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made.
A set of four drabbles, quotes acting as titles of sorts. (I'm not a Shakespeare fan, so I garnered inspiration from the quotes themselves, not the work from whence they came.)
~~~~~
And since you know you cannot see yourself,
so well as by reflection, I, your glass,
will modestly discover to yourself,
that of yourself which you yet know not of.
Julius Caesar, Act 1 Scene 2
Xander leaned across and planted a swift kiss on a mouth open in shock, pulling back before he got lost in the feel of satin soft skin against his lips.
"You have no idea what I see when I look at you. You think I see a cold, harsh, punk who doesn't give a damn? No. I see the beauty in you, the caring in you. I see the loneliness, the love, the need to have someone to call your own, someone who'll call you theirs in turn. I want to be that someone, Spike. Let me be that someone..."
~~~~~
I have immortal longings in me.
"Antony and Cleopatra", Act 5 scene 2
It was a conversation Xander could only imagine having in the dark, curled beneath the bedclothes with his lover in his arms. He'd thought long and hard about what to say if Spike came out and asked. He never thought he'd be the one to voice forbidden words.
"It's been on my mind since Jesse died. Since Angel proved a vampire could be more than death and fangs, I've wondered... And then there was you and your love for Dru. And now there's us, and the choice is easy. Make me yours, Spike. Let me love you forever. Turn me."
~~~~~
The sands are number'd that make up my life.
Henry VI, Part 3, Act 1, Scene 4
...so I decided to write you instead. I'm sending everything to you, G-Man, (and I'm not apologising for that, either) because I know you'll be there for my girls to cry on when they learn why I won't be around any more. Spike didn't talk me into anything, I swear. I asked him, and the truth is, he turned me down at first. He said I didn't know what I was getting myself into, but I learned a lot from those books you never believed I actually read. He understands now.
So...
This is the last will and testament of..."
~~~~~
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
Macbeth, Act 5, Scene 5
One hundred years and never a night apart. Two halves made whole, two hearts unbeating, one soul shared between them both. They lived well in the darkness, kept each other safe from harm. They watched as all they'd known slowly turned to dust and faded memories, but never once regretted what they'd done, though tears were spilt. They honoured long gone friends and watched their progeny grow up, so sure the bedtime stories were all make-believe and jest. They made their presence felt wherever demons roamed the earth. They revelled in the violence and the blood.
Their love was true.
~~~~~
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Part 16
on 2004-11-16 06:04 pm (UTC)“You can’t be.”
Xander let go of Spike and moved from the vulnerable position. He eased backward until his back rested against the other bed, wrapping his hands around his knees.
“Can’t?”
“Or, are you… how? How is it possible? If you didn’t cheat…”
“I didn’t. Ever.”
“Then how?”
Xander shrugged. “It had to be someone… before.”
“But how could you not know? All that time? We were together for a bloody year.”
“I know. I’ve been through it all.” Xander’s leaned his head forward, running his hands through grungy, unwashed hair and then let them rest on the back of his neck. “You were the one always worried about getting checked. So worried about being safe.”
“Xan…”
“I was so fucking stupid. Never went with you.” His voice carried on in a whisper. “Each time they said you were okay, I figured I was too.”
He finally looked up to see Spike staring down at him, his own tears wetting his cheeks.
“Remember that cold I got right before… the one I just couldn’t seem to shake?”
Spike nodded. Xander had been sick with the flu for three weeks straight with Spike shoving every over-the-counter medicine he could get his hands on down his lover’s throat. He had vowed to make him well, knowing their trip was fast approaching and telling Xander he wasn’t having a honeymoon with a sniffling, sneezing, walking Niquil commercial.
“I finally went to the doctor thinking I could get something stronger, you know?”
Spike nodded again.
“He said he didn’t like the way it was lingering. Asked me if I had any history of immune deficiencies, or anything…”
Spike’s body tensed at the thought again. Xander. Positive.
“I think he was trying to hint without actually saying it. I told him no but that I hadn’t been tested… recently.”
Xander glanced up again to see Spike’s hands shaking as he tried to light a cigarette. He was about to remind him of the No Smoking rule again but then shrugged and continued his story. “He said I could have been infected for a few years without any symptoms.”
Spike wiped at the tears with the back of one hand, while holding his burning cigarette in the other. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I couldn’t. I couldn’t stand the thought of you having to deal with it.”
Spike’s face took on a whole new look. He was angry and he wasn’t going to hide it.
Re: Part 16
on 2004-11-16 11:19 pm (UTC)Yes! You tell him off, Spike! Let him know how silly he was to pull a stunt like that to chase you out of his life.
Lovin' this! more, please!
Part 17
on 2004-11-17 02:50 am (UTC)“You selfish sod.”
Xander’s head snapped upward, a look of confusion mixed with a frown on his lips. “What? I wasn’t being selfish! I was thinking about you!”
“Took the easy way out, didn’t you? Went out, found some little twinkie to fuck? Bet you planned it just right, too. Knew I’d find you there, in our bed.”
“Spike…”
“No. I think I hit the nail right on the head, didn’t I?! You couldn’t handle it so you made sure I wasn’t around to see what a sodding idiot you were!”
“Shut the fuck up. You don’t know anything!”
Spike laughed. An evil, angered, full of emotion chuckle. “No! I don’t know anything! Because you kept me in the dark and pushed me away!”
Xander was up off the floor and facing down Spike before he had a chance to say anything else. “I pushed you away because I didn’t want you to always worry about fucking me! I know you! You would have said it didn’t matter, but deep down, you’d be terrified. Always wondering, always afraid. Do I have it, will I get it. Is this gonna be the time…I may have to live with this fucking disease, but that doesn’t mean you do!”
Spike stepped in, closing the distance until they were nose to nose. “You didn’t have the right to make that choice!”
“I wasn’t going to let you stay with me out of some stupid sense of loyalty!”
“Loyalty?! You think I would have stayed because of loyalty!?” Spike grit his teeth and shook his head, trying to push his anger down so he could think rationally. “Try love. That’s what you do when you love someone. You stick it through even when life throws a big pile of shit at you.”
“Well this is more than a pile of shit. This is a fucking manure truck.”
Spike blinked at Xander’s sense of humor. He couldn’t help it and found his arms wrapping around Xander’s waist, pulling him in. As angry and hurt as he was, he knew what Xander was going through was magnified ten fold. “How could you possibly think I wouldn’t want to be with you?”
Xander closed his eyes and let his head tilt to rest on Spike’s shoulder. “You say that now. But what about if I’m sick? Or worse? I’ve spent the last two years exercising, eating right, popping meds… doing everything I can to be healthy. It’s not always gonna be this way.”
Spike moved his hand to the back of Xander’s neck, playing with the dark curls. “What about love?”
“What about it? There are always guys around who want to fuck. I’m always up front. Tell ‘em exactly how it is.”
“I wasn’t talking about fucking.”
“I know.”
“So you’ll risk some anonymous stranger, but you pushed me away?”
Xander sighed. “I don’t care about them. I know that may sound cold, but I let them know. If they don’t care, I don’t care. With you, things are different.”
“That should be my choice, pet. You had no right to take it away from me.”
“I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened. All it takes is just one time.”
“You’re worth the risk, Xander. If I’d known the truth, I never would have left.”
Re: Part 17
on 2004-11-17 04:29 am (UTC)Uhoh! *g*
“You’re worth the risk, Xander. If I’d known the truth, I never would have left.”
Which is exactly why Xander pulled the Twinkie stunt, I bet.
This is heartbreaking! More, please! *g*
Part 18
on 2004-11-20 06:43 am (UTC)Spike casually eased his way over to the rumpled bed and sat down. He listened for the sound of the running shower through the paper-thin walls and when satisfied he wouldn’t be interrupted, he reached for the black, leather wallet sitting on the nightstand. His fingers lightly traced the initials etched into the small, silver plate. ALH. Alexander Lavelle Harris. Spike closed his eyes and began to reminisce.
“What are we doing here?”
He grabbed Xander’s hand and dragged him inside, grinning from ear to ear like a child in a toy store.
“Shopping, pet. Need a new wallet, don’t you?”
Xander gave a frightened look of shock and clutched the object resting inside his back pocket. “Nothing wrong with the one I got!”
“That ratty old worn out thing?”
“It’s not old,” Xander defended. “Just… broken in.”
Spike rolled his eyes and began walking toward the glassed in display cabinet. “C’mon, Xan.”
“Mmm. Don’t you love that smell?” Xander let go of Spike, trying to change the subject and turned to bury his nose into the heady scent of leather.
With a sigh, Spike gazed around the large shop, eyeing several employees oblivious to their presence. His grin turned predator, the wallet forgotten as he pushed Xander further into the corner against an assortment of soft, leather coats. “Like the feel of it,” he purred, wrapping Xander inside a long, black duster hanging on a rack against the wall. He leaned into the larger body, trapping him with nowhere to escape. “Can imagine lying you down, naked except for the leather against your skin.”
Xander half moaned at the feel of Spike’s weight pushing against him, aware of how very public this public place was. “People. People here,” he warned shifting his eyes across the room.
“Don’t care.” For the first time displayed out in the open, his lips met Xander’s and pressed softly, his hands snaking their way under the coat to wrap around his lover’s back. Spike closed his eyes and let out a low, breathless moan. “Want me to buy a coat like this? Lay you down, wrap you up and fuck you against the smell of new leather?”
Ignoring the onlookers now tentative on watching the couple making out in public view, Xander gripped him, his fingers wrapping tightly around sandy brown curls, forcing a deeper kiss. “I think you need to take me home now.”
Barely able to wait out the anticipation, they walked out with their purchases of one shiny new wallet for Xander and a garment bag that was home to Spike’s new knee length, black leather duster.
Spike rubbed at the worn material between his fingers, glanced at the closed bathroom door and unsnapped the wallet. He blinked and inhaled a quick breath when he saw the picture on display where an ID should have been. He slowly slid the photograph out, gripping it with both hands as he focused on the familiar faces.
“I never could bring myself to get rid of it.” Spike glanced up and saw Xander watching him, arms crossed, leaning against the frame of the bathroom door. Realizing he hadn’t heard the water being turned off, he shifted his eyes back to the picture. “Surprised you kept it.”
Xander shrugged. “I take it out and look at it sometimes.” He took a few steps closer until he reached the bed and sat down next to Spike. He let his eyes wander to the picture of himself with an earlier version of William and whispered, “It reminds me that I was happy once.”
Re: Part 18
on 2004-11-20 05:51 pm (UTC)Leather!kink and bittersweet memories. Beautiful. :o)
Part 19
on 2004-11-25 12:12 am (UTC)Xander’s hand wandered upward, reaching for Spike’s. He entwined their fingers and closed his eyes, turning his head further into the touch. “Not possible.”
Their eyes met and all it took was a look between them before they were kissing. Kissing deep and hard, making up for two years of lost time and bitter memories. Spike pushed, urging Xander to lie back and moved his body half-on, half-off of him, still lost in kisses sweeter than anything he could remember. His hand wandered, tracing the outline of a hard-worked chest, past equally hard abs, to slide Xander’s shirt up slightly. He circled the dark line of hair that disappeared underneath the gray sweatpants, before moving down further to rub his hand firmly over the tented material. Tracing the outline, he moaned and shifted his weight, pressing his own swollen cock against Xander’s hip.
With his palm flat, he rubbed the length, bringing Xander’s erection to full hardness until the tip pushed against the top of his sweats. Spike slid his fingers to the waistband tried to push inside when Xander’s fingers wrapped around his wrist. “No.”
Spike flinched and pulled away, his face contorted into a look of fear. Fear that he’d done something wrong. Xander’s other hand curled around the back of Spike’s neck, pulling him in for another kiss as he shifted their bodies. With Spike now on bottom, Xander hovered above, licking a path down the side of his neck, scooting his body as he moved to Spike’s chest. “You smell so fucking good.” Raising the t-shirt to be able to reach the desired area, he licked first one nipple and then the other, smiling when Spike arched his back and began mumbling words of encouragement under his breath.
*** ***
“That’s it. Right there.” Spike thrust forward, his back arching off the bed, trying to bury himself further inside the warmth. He let out a sudden gasp when he felt the tip of his cock rub against the back of Xander’s throat and felt just the right amount of pressure as Xander swallowed around him. His breath hitched when Xander’s tongue traced along the underside, running over the sensitive throbbing vein and then stopped short to dip into the slit, gathering the leaking wetness. When he was engulfed again, his entire cock buried deep inside Xander’s mouth, Spike threaded his fingers tightly through the brown, mussed hair and set a steady rhythm, fucking at a slow, pleasurable pace.
“Don’t stop… almost there, pet.” Murmured breathlessly between harsh gasps, Spike’s stomach muscles began to spasm under Xander’s fingers. “Gonna come!” With a final thrust, Spike flooded Xander’s mouth, watching as his throat reflexively swallowed every drop.
Xander eased his body back up next to Spike’s, locking onto his lips, his tongue diving deep inside. When the kiss ended, Spike’s raised his hand, cupping Xander’s cheek. “You didn’t have to….”
Xander shook his head. “I’ve been wanting to do that since the day I first walked onto the set and saw you.”
Spike smiled and dropped his hand, reaching for Xander’s cock, still bobbing stiffly between them. “My turn to take care of you.”
Xander hastily pushed him off and swung his legs over the side of the bed to sit up. “It’s alright Spike. There’s plenty of time. Let’s just take it slow, okay?”
Re: Part 19
on 2004-11-25 12:51 am (UTC)Re: Part 19
Posted byRe: Part 19
Posted byPart 20
on 2004-11-28 07:30 pm (UTC)He gathered the cold water into his hands, splashing his face and then ran his wet fingers through his hair. Why did he do this to himself? Why didn’t he leave when he saw Spike’s name on the roster? If he’d been smart, he could have avoided the entire situation. Instead, he fell back into the same old feelings, which ended up giving Spike hope. Hope that would be shattered as soon as Xander made him realize that they’d been wrong. That it was a mistake. One that could never happen again.
For the next three days, Xander pretended as if nothing had happened. He tried to forget that they had kissed and touched and felt the connection that had always been so easy between them. He especially didn’t think about the look on Spike’s face, the passion and love when Xander took him between his lips. That Spike had called his name when he came. And that was the stupidity in a nutshell.
His stupidity in his lack of resistance, of common sense when he was around the other man. Might as well have just taken Spike’s ass. Condom be damned because what he’d done was just as dangerous. He’d been lost in it, wrapped around the sight, the taste and feel of a fantasy. A dream he’d lost where he was normal and could do normal things with his normal boyfriend. Where for once, he didn’t have to wear a double layer of rubber that made it almost not worth the effort in the first place.
Almost, because he’d had that, too. The feel of arms around him, hands gripping tight even if it was just to make it easier for them to fuck him, was better than being alone. There’d been countless men, nameless faces after William had left. Until Xander wised up, pulled himself out of the gutter of self pity and realized his selfishness would be the death of some unsuspecting fool.
From then on, he was careful, looking for someone only occasionally to fill the void, using two condoms and never letting them touch or be touched, even if it was just to have the ill-illusioned security of thinking he could avoid subjecting them to the same fate he was stuck with.
But then there was Spike. The one man who made him hate that he couldn’t have it all. That made him want to take chances against the odds. He’d looked into the blue eyes that held so many shared memories and experiences and his selfishness returned. He wanted Spike all or nothing and didn’t think he could handle settling for halfway.
So Xander put on a show of bravado and resorted back to the old standby that always seemed to work for him. Avoidance. When Spike asked to catch a movie together, Xander was unavailable. When Spike suggested a game of billiards, Xander was feeling sick and needed a good night’s sleep. When Spike invited him back to his apartment, he sighed uncomfortably, wanting nothing more than to give in and go with him, but he resisted, making another of a hundred excuses.
Re: Part 20
on 2004-11-28 07:52 pm (UTC)Thanks!
Part 21a
on 2004-11-29 05:28 am (UTC)He hesitated, but then continued to pass by when he noticed Spike leaning against a brick wall, smoking a cigarette. Xander had taken a back entrance from the studio, purposely hoping to avoid Spike, along with the conversation that he didn’t want to have. He kept walking, hands in his pockets, eyes down, completely deflated. It was difficult enough having to see Spike all day, every day, but outside, without the made-up characters and fake scripts carefully laying out every word for him, he didn’t know what to say. Without someone else’s writing, he didn’t know how to act. He was afraid to face him. But most of all, he was afraid of giving in.
When he heard the sound of boots on the pavement and realized he was being followed, he finally gave up and stopped, his eyes still cast downward. “How what’s gonna be?”
Spike moved in front of him, making sure to obstruct his path. The used cigarette was flicked to the ground and Xander caught a halfway glimpse of the clenched jaw line when he chanced a small glance upward.
“This thing. Between you and me. Gonna act like it didn’t happen then.”
And the question was answered when Xander’s head rose, trying to back up his words with a deadpan look in his eyes. “There is no you and me, Spike. Hasn’t been for a long time.”
Spike’s head tilted in a way that made Xander’s heart begin to pound, as if he was actually contemplating, trying to accept it. But then- “I was there. I felt it, same as you.”
“It wasn’t real. Nothing but nostalgia. You were looking at that god damn picture and…”
“Bollocks!” Spike moved in, his eyes slanted to slits, his voice teetering on the edge of anger. “I’ve let you have your excuses. But now… I don’t know what bloody game you’re playing, but that fucking picture had nothing to do with what happened.”
Xander’s voice rose, “And what happened, Spike?! Huh?” When he didn’t answer right away, Xander took his chance to dig. “I blew you. Big fucking deal! I was drinking, I was horny and I sucked your dick. End of story.”
He shoved his way around Spike and started walking again; even knowing he had no chance of getting away that easy. Sometimes, an argument won was all in the attitude. He made it four steps before Spike grabbed his arm and pulled him back around.
“Uh-uh, pet. Not getting rid of me so easy this time. You’re gonna spill what’s going on in that addle-minded little brain of yours and you and me are gonna have a conversation.”
Xander grit his teeth and tensed, rubbing at his arm when Spike finally let go.
“You don’t want to have this conversation, Spike. But, let me see if I can tell you what you do want.” Xander bit his lip and sighed, exhaling deeply. “You wanna turn back the clock and pick up where we were two years ago. Right?! You wanna reminisce and walk down memory lane and act like nothing’s changed. Well sorry to tell ya, pal. Things have changed! And there’s nothing you can say or do to make it anything other than what it is.”
Spike’s arms crossed and he shifted his weight from his right to his left foot. “ And what is it exactly? Enlighten me.”
Xander shook his head. “Does it even mean anything to you?! Don’t you get it! I am positive! I have HIV! Any fluid inside my body can fucking kill you! What part of this don’t you understand?!”
Spike’s expression turned sour as he stepped closer, pushing into Xander’s space. “The part where I’m supposed to let that scare me off. Where you say AIDS and I’m supposed to haul my ass in the other direction. Is that the answer you’re looking for?”
Xander nodded smugly. “Yeah. If you were smart.”
Re: Part 21a
on 2004-11-29 06:07 am (UTC)Oh, he's so asking for a slap! Avoidy games aren't gonna work. Spike's too stubborn!
::runs to read part 21b::
Part 21b
on 2004-11-29 05:29 am (UTC)Xander’s forehead rippled, his face scrunching in confusion. “Excuse me?”
“Oh, don’t play bloody stupid with me. You’re forgetting something. I. Know. You. I know everything about you. You’re trying to drive everyone away so you won’t be an inconvenience, right? Protecting everyone? Especially me.”
“Wil…”
“No. When’s the last time you talked to your chums? Buffy? Willow? Do they even know?”
Xander’s eyes found the ground. “They wouldn’t understand.”
“Ah. As I thought. Kind of the same way I wouldn’t understand?”
Xander nodded without looking up.
“Wrench in your little scenario, luv. I do understand. And as much as you don’t like it, I’m not leaving. You pushed me away before because I was a buggering idiot. Not gonna happen again.”
“Spike…”
“I’m not stupid. I know the risks. Won’t pretend it’ll be a walk in the park. But damn it, Xander… I love you. Can’t you see that?”
Xander blinked and everything seemed to move in slow motion. As he slowly looked up, Spike’s arms were around him, holding him, whispering that he wasn’t alone. He pulled away, just enough to be able to see Spike’s face. “That’s why I don’t trust myself with you. I forget.”
“Forgetting’s what you need, pet. And I’ll remind you when it’s necessary, right?”
“But you didn’t! The other day, I sucked you off, Spike. I sucked you off and you didn’t stop me! Don’t you realize???”
“Yes,” he answered harshly. He exhaled slowly and leaned in closer. “But not again. Okay? We were both weak, but now we know. We’ll help each other.”
“It won’t be the same. What you’ll have to learn to live with? The sex… A blowjob with a condom…”
“Will be just as good knowing you’re the one giving it, pet. Not something you need to worry about.”
“But what if…”
“Xander.” Spike snapped at him to get his full attention. “It’s not just about fucking. I can fuck anyone. It’s about wanting to be with you.”
Xander closed his eyes and leaned their foreheads together.
“So what do you say?” Spike asked softly. “Is there a you and me?”
Re: Part 21b
on 2004-11-29 06:10 am (UTC)Silly, silly boy, chasing everyone off. But Spike's not going anywhere. Yay!
“Is there a you and me?”
::waits with bated breath::
Part 22
on 2004-11-30 05:34 am (UTC)Spike glanced down at the box full of their porn collection and then back to Xander. “You want me to put it in the closet?”
Xander pulled another cushion off the couch, tossed it onto the floor and began jumping up and down on it. “Yeah!” he called, placing the pillow back where it was, only to grab another one.
Spike shrugged his shoulders and dropped the box onto the floor of the closet at the end of the foyer. He couldn’t wait to see the look on Buffy’s face when she opened that door. He pushed it shut and went to join Xander, stopping when he caught a glimpse of him mid-jump. He smiled and leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms in front of him.
“What the bloody hell are you doing, luv?”
Xander lost his balance, tripped and fell back onto the sofa. Embarrassed, he looked up. “Uhh, straightening the cushions?”
With his eyebrow raised at attention, Spike smirked.
“Yeah,” he explained, “they’re all lopsided. I was just putting the stuffing back where it’s supposed to go.”
“Uh huh,” Spike answered slowly. He moved closer, seductively eyeing Xander from head to toe. “And you’re doing this why?”
Xander frowned. “Just because.”
Spike slithered forward and kneeled down, sliding between Xander’s open knees; his hands rubbing slowly up the outside of his thighs to grip his hips.
“The girls aren’t gonna care. They’re coming to see you, not the bloody furniture.”
“Actually, Dawnie’s made me completely aware that she’s just coming for the pool. And the California guys,” he added with a smile before turning serious again. “I know. I just wanna…” he used his elbow to fluff the cushion behind him, “make a good impression.”
Spike leaned forward and kissed him. “You’re trying too hard.”
Xander eased in, letting his tongue run across Spike’s bottom lip. “It’s just been awhile. Six months is a long time. I want them to know how good we’re doing. How happy we are…so they see that they don’t have to worry about me.”
Spike’s brow rose as his thumb shifted to the crease between Xander’s inner thigh and groin and began to rub. “Mmm. More than happy to let them see,” he licked his lips, “how well you’re being taken care of.”
Xander caught his hand. “Stop that. Remember what I said. No embarrassing anyone with the blatant touchy feely.”
With the smirk firmly in place, he centered his thumb and slid it over Xander’s zipper.
“No, Spike! They’re gonna be here in just a few minutes!”
“A few minutes are all I need, pet.”
“Spike.”
A pout curled on Spike’s mouth as he pulled his hand away with a defeated sigh. “How long are they staying again?”
“Three days.”
“Three days of good behavior.” He shook his head. “Guess we have to lay off shagging in the hot tub then?”
He caught Xander’s stern look.
“Alright. Best behavior.” He stood up to let Xander finish his fluffing. “But don’t expect me to be a gentleman behind closed doors. You didn’t say anything about that.”
Re: Part 22
on 2004-12-01 06:58 am (UTC)Thank you for continuing to make my day by posting this. :o)
Part 23
on 2004-12-03 06:12 am (UTC)Xander and Spike stood wide-eyed as Dawn dodged and swirled through the house, opening doors, sneaking her head inside every crevice.
“Calm down, Dawnie. I don’t really think they know Johnny Depp,” Willow answered, dragging a roll along suitcase behind her.
“Actually,” Xander stated before Spike nudged him in the ribs. “Uh, no. No celebrities around here. Sorry.” He snuck a look at Spike and smiled.
Dawn moved closer to hug each of them and then grinned wickedly when she pulled away from Spike. “I need a few copies of your autograph! My friends are gonna die! They want pictures, too!”
Spike nodded smugly. “Sure. I’ll sign for your chums.”
“No, the autographs aren’t for them… they’re for Ebay. Do you know how much you’re worth?!”
“Okay, okay… give ‘em some space,” Buffy interrupted. She turned to Spike and apologized, “Sorry. There’s something in the rules about obnoxious teenagers. I think there’s a handbook or something.”
At Dawn’s pout, Spike wrapped his arm around to squeeze her to him. “The bit can have anything she wants, luv.”
“Don’t spoil her Wil… Spike. God that’s strange.”
“Yeah! Spike!” Dawn butted in, “That’s so cool!”
Xander laughed and turned around. “C’mon, I’ll show you your rooms.”
*****
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Willow asked, lying sideways on the large air mattress set up beside the pool, her head resting against Xander’s stomach.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me,” he answered, brushing a strand of hair from her eyes.
“I have to worry. You’re still my best friend you know. I can’t believe you kept it to yourself and didn’t tell me.”
“I just, wasn’t ready to admit it to myself, much less anyone else.”
She looked away, watching Buffy and Dawn trying to dunk Spike under the water. “I get that. It was just a shitty thing to do though.”
“Sorry. But it all worked out okay… right? Not mad at me anymore?”
She smiled and shook her head. “Nope, not mad. Jealous maybe, but not mad.” She glanced around at house, the pool, the grounds surrounding them and said, “How did you get so lucky?! This place is amazing!”
“No, this place is nothing. You know, it’s true what they say about money not buying happiness,” he answered thoughtfully. “I was lucky I found Spike again. He's the only thing that matters. I've never felt anything like what I feel for him. I think it took being without him to realize how much I love him.”
“You guys do look pretty great together.” She smiled and moved around, scooting up until her body was even with his. “I’m just glad you’re happy, Xander. Both of you. You deserve it.” She leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips.
“Ah-ah, Red. Those lips are taken.”
She pulled away quickly and smiled, blushing when Spike kneeled down and then eased his way up Xander’s body, kissing him deeply.
“I think I’ll just… I’ll be over here,” she said, leaving the two men too wrapped up in each other to realize she was gone.
Re: Part 23
on 2004-12-04 01:56 am (UTC)ROFL! Ah, Dawnie, so young, so mercenary. *g*
Part 24
on 2004-12-04 01:57 am (UTC)“Today’s been perfect.”
Spike moved in closer, running his finger lightly along Xander’s naked thigh. “That it has, pet.”
Xander caught Spike’s hand and held it up next to his own, showing off the two matching gold bands adorning their fingers. “I can’t believe it really happened. It’s like, it should be happening to someone else.”
“No one else, Xan. Bloody well married now, aren’t we? All legal and proper.”
Xander smiled ear to ear and settled back further, pulling Spike’s body closer to his. “Thank you.”
Spike moved his leg over Xander’s, making sure his knee grazed against the semi-hardness of Xander’s cock before straddling his lover. “What are you thanking me for, pet?” He leaned down, a hand on each side of Xander’s head and latched onto red, kiss-swollen lips.
“For not letting me push you away again. For being stubborn enough to not take no for an answer.”
“Took a little nudging’s all.” And then there was another, deeper kiss, hard enough to pull a wanton moan from Xander’s lips. “You would have come around eventually, pet.”
“You think so, do you?” he answered with a playful grin.
Spike nodded. “We were meant for this.” He gripped Xander’s hands, entwining their fingers above the other man’s head, feeling the rub of his ring against Xander’s skin. “Just took us awhile to get here.”
Spike lowered his body, legs still straddling, his head resting against Xander’s chest.
“I love you, Wil.”
“Love you too, Xan.”
Xander closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of Spike’s body against his.
“Better rest up. Gonna bloody well shag you all night.”
Xander smiled and relaxed. “Promise?”
“Forever, luv. Forever.”
His voice carried that promise until they both fell into sleep.
Re: Part 24
on 2004-12-04 02:06 am (UTC)Oh, I hope so!
Is this the end? Do you take the mask off now, oh Masked Spander Writer, or is there more? Either way, it's been a delight to find the notification emails for this in my inbox at random intervals. *smooch*
Part 25
on 2004-12-04 02:55 am (UTC)“Yeah, pet?” Spike asked, looking up from where he was tying fake snowflakes together on a string.
“What are you doing?”
“What’s it look like I’m doing, ya git? Hanging decorations, aren’t I?”
“Well, I can see that. But… why? You don’t even like Christmas.”
Spike eyed Xander, leaning weak and wobbly against the frame of the door and frowned. “You shouldn’t be up, pet. Thought I told you to rest.”
“Got bored, heard you tinkering around out here.”
“Well get your bloody arse back in bed. Don’t need you exerting yourself.”
Xander rolled his eyes. “I’m fine.”
Spike returned his gaze with a stern look.
“Here, I’ll lay down on the couch, I’ll stay quiet and I’ll stay out of your way, okay?” He pushed his bottom lip into a curl and gave his best Xander pout.
Spike sighed heavily and gave in. Always gave in. Xander smiled in victory and made his way to the couch, pulling a red and green afghan over his lap. “See? This is me… relaxing.” His eyebrow rose as he glanced around the room at the various Christmasy objects. “So, what are you doing?”
“I told you. Decorating,” he answered, attaching the long strand of snowflakes to either side of the window.
“Snowflakes, Spike? It’s California.”
“Uh, huh,” he said, picking up a large aerosol can. He pulled the nozzle and began to spray the windows white.
“And snow?! What the fuck’s gotten into you?!” Xander screeched, sitting up straight in panic. “Where’s my Spike and what have you done with him?”
Spike turned, hands on his hips, annoyed. “I thought you said you’d be quiet.”
Xander turned his head, eyes wide and put his fingers to his lips, zipping them. Spike nodded and turned back around to continue adding the white fluff to the windows. Xander watched a while longer, but nestled down warm and comfortable, soon drifted off, his head resting on the arm of the couch.
***
“Xander.”
Xander pushed at whatever it was tickling his cheek and let out a breath in his sleep.
“Wake up, Xan. Time for eggnog.”
Xander registered the sound of Spike’s voice and shifted, lifting one sleepy lid open…and began to laugh.
Spike, topped with a red and white furry Santa hat was sitting beside him, glass in hand. Before he could say anything, Xander noticed the room. It was dark, with the exception of the Christmas lights wrapped around the large tree sitting in the corner, and the flashlight shining up on the wall, glowing on the torch of the… “Statue of Liberty?!”
Spike smiled. “Or hopefully some resemblance.”
Xander pushed the blanket aside and made his way around Spike, slowly moving toward the mural painted on the wall. There, in all its glory was Lady Liberty, surrounded by the skyline of the sparkling New York City skyscrapers.
“What the…how’d you? Why’d you do this?”
Spike eased up behind him, locking his arms around Xander’s stomach and rested his chin against Xander’s shoulder. “Since the doctor didn’t want you to travel, and I know how much you wanted to go back for Christmas, I just…brought it here to you.”
Xander couldn’t speak, instead staring silently, his eyes focused on the wall and the effort Spike had made for him. He blinked, pushing back threatening tears, until he finally turned around to face his partner, his lover…his heart.
“Merry Christmas, Xander.”
The tears flowed as he drowned himself in the taste of Spike’s lips.
Eight years and counting…
Re: Part 25
on 2004-12-04 03:02 am (UTC)Part 26
on 2004-12-04 06:04 am (UTC)Xander nodded. “Did you leave a key?”
“Under the mat.”
“They didn’t have to…”
“We’ve had this discussion, Xander. Of course they had to be here.”
Xander closed his eyes and settled back further onto the pillow. Spike sat, rubbing shallow circles against the top of Xander’s hand with his thumb. Soft and loving, just to assure him he was still there.
“I wonder if my mom’ll want to…”
“I’ll take care of it… call her.”
Xander let his gaze fall on their joined hands, resting against the white of the hospital blanket. “I doubt she’ll come. She couldn’t even accept that you and I were…”
“Shhh. Her loss, pet. Her fucking loss.”
“She would have loved you,” Xander whispered.
Spike placed his finger over Xander’s wedding band, unconsciously rubbing back and forth against the gold. Finally, Xander noticed and smiled. “I want you to keep it, okay?”
Spike’s finger stilled. “Hmm?”
“My ring. I don’t want it bur… I want you to keep it, to remind you…”
Spike felt the sting coating his eyes. “Yeah, whatever you want, Xan.”
Xander nodded. “That’s what I want. It’d just be a waste if…” he tapered off, not needing to finish, both knowing what he was going to say.
They were quiet, Spike trying to be strong for Xander, Xander just trying to be strong. But losing.
“But when it’s time, I want you to put it away.”
Blue eyes met dark brown.
“When you meet someone…”
“Xander.”
“No, Spike. It’s gonna happen.”
“No,” he answered bitterly, the hurt more than he could take.
Xander waited, trying to reel in his own feelings. The nagging thought of Spike with someone else, loving someone else. “I don’t want you to be alone.”
“I can’t…”
“Shhh, Spike. Don’t think about it now. Just remember, okay? Remember what I said.”
A tear slid down Spike’s cheek and he wiped it away, taking a deep breath, playing the part of holding it together. A true actor. “So you get to come home. A bit more comfortable than this sodding bed.”
Xander faked a small smile. “I don’t think they expect two people to be sleeping in it, Spike. Kinda what the cot’s for,” he added, gesturing toward the small, untouched cot in the corner of the room.
Spike eyed the monstrosity. “Don’t bloody think so, pet. I belong right here. Can’t sleep without you.” Too soon, they both realized the harsh reality of those words. He would have to learn to do just that, after Xander was gone.
“It’ll be nice to be in our own bed. I guess they figure it won’t be long…”
Spike squeezed Xander’s hand as the pain was released and the sobs began to rack his body. “Xander…”
“I know, Spike. I know.” Xander ran his hand through the blond hair, pulling Spike down, cradling him as best as he could. “I love you,” he murmured repeatedly, crying his own tears, watching them land a drop at a time against Spike’s skin.
“Spike?” he whispered. “I wanna go home.”
Re: Part 26
on 2004-12-04 06:14 am (UTC)It was that this point that my heart broke and my meatballs got salty. ::sniffle::
So saaaaaaaaaaad!
Part 27...the last
on 2004-12-05 02:29 am (UTC)~*~
They enjoyed the time they had for one entire week once Xander came home from the hospital. It wasn’t enough, but it never is when you know what’s coming. They laughed together and held each other while they cried, spending every moment as if it was their last. Each time Xander closed his eyes, Spike felt the panic, knowing there wasn’t much time left.
Spike was there, holding his hand, his lips pressed against Xander’s forehead when he fell asleep for the last time. “I’m tired, Spike. Just need to rest for a bit,” the last words Spike heard from his lover.
********
“Miss you, Xan.”
Spike sat in the grass, his legs stretched out in front of him, Xander’s ring spinning mindlessly between his fingers. He read the writing on the stone for the thousandth time in three years. Alexander Lavelle Harris. Friend. Lover. Husband.
“Seems it’s supposed to get easier, least that’s what everyone tells me.” He brushed the dust from the top of the granite with one hand, still clutching the ring tight inside the other. “I guess it is, when I can stop thinking about you for one bloody second.”
A slight gust of wind shook through the trees, causing Spike to shiver, his duster long gone, along with most of the reminders. Their memories were packed in boxes, stored away until one day, when Spike could open them up and see Xander’s face without the stabbing heartache ripping threw him. A time that came closer with each passing day.
“You were right, pet. As always…” Spike smiled tenderly. “You said I’d go on. Never thought I’d be able to do it without you.” He paused, tracing the name etched on the gravestone with his finger. “A lot of things have happened, though. Dawn’s married, baby on the way... Doesn’t seem possible, does it? Willow’s engaged. And Buffy, well… nothing much changes there.”
He gripped the ring tighter.
“But I’m not here for small talk this time, pet. Have to tell you, so you’ll know… so it’ll feel right.” He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “See… I met someone. Took me a long time, and now… I’m still not sure, but…” Spike had known it would be hard, forgoing the tissue in his back pocket, instead wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “He’s a lot like you. Guess that’s why I found him. Never the same though, Xan. Never be anyone like you. Cause we’re forever, right? Me and you.”
More tears, full force, too many to stop. “Anyway, thought you’d wanna know. I’m gonna try, luv. I remembered, so I’m gonna try.”
Spike glanced down, looking at Xander’s ring and then slid his own from his finger for the first time in eleven years. He held them together in his fist for a long time, staring at the ground where Xander’s body lay underneath him, until the sun set around him and his tears finally subsided. He stood up, brushed his jeans off and slipped the gold bands into his pocket. “It’s time, pet.” With reluctance, he pulled them out and placed the two bands of gold on top of the stone, held his head up and walked away.
The end.
Re: Part 27...the last
on 2004-12-05 02:44 am (UTC)::glomps onto you::
Honey, that was a wonderful gift, and I'll treasure it always, even though you did get me all soggy and sniffly several times over. *smoooooooooooooooooooooch*
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Re: Part 27...the last
Posted byRe: Part 27...the last
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