Set of 4 drabbles for open_on_sunday's challenge #82 - Shakespeare

[darkhavens]

Author: darkhavens
Title: Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow
Pairing: S/X
Rating: PG-13 (erring on the side of caution)
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made.

A set of four drabbles, quotes acting as titles of sorts. (I'm not a Shakespeare fan, so I garnered inspiration from the quotes themselves, not the work from whence they came.)


~~~~~


And since you know you cannot see yourself,
so well as by reflection, I, your glass,
will modestly discover to yourself,
that of yourself which you yet know not of.
                    Julius Caesar, Act 1 Scene 2

Xander leaned across and planted a swift kiss on a mouth open in shock, pulling back before he got lost in the feel of satin soft skin against his lips.

"You have no idea what I see when I look at you. You think I see a cold, harsh, punk who doesn't give a damn? No. I see the beauty in you, the caring in you. I see the loneliness, the love, the need to have someone to call your own, someone who'll call you theirs in turn. I want to be that someone, Spike. Let me be that someone..."


~~~~~


I have immortal longings in me.
                    "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 5 scene 2

It was a conversation Xander could only imagine having in the dark, curled beneath the bedclothes with his lover in his arms. He'd thought long and hard about what to say if Spike came out and asked. He never thought he'd be the one to voice forbidden words.

"It's been on my mind since Jesse died. Since Angel proved a vampire could be more than death and fangs, I've wondered... And then there was you and your love for Dru. And now there's us, and the choice is easy. Make me yours, Spike. Let me love you forever. Turn me."


~~~~~


The sands are number'd that make up my life.
                    Henry VI, Part 3, Act 1, Scene 4

...so I decided to write you instead. I'm sending everything to you, G-Man, (and I'm not apologising for that, either) because I know you'll be there for my girls to cry on when they learn why I won't be around any more. Spike didn't talk me into anything, I swear. I asked him, and the truth is, he turned me down at first. He said I didn't know what I was getting myself into, but I learned a lot from those books you never believed I actually read. He understands now.

So...

This is the last will and testament of..."


~~~~~


To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
                    Macbeth, Act 5, Scene 5

One hundred years and never a night apart. Two halves made whole, two hearts unbeating, one soul shared between them both. They lived well in the darkness, kept each other safe from harm. They watched as all they'd known slowly turned to dust and faded memories, but never once regretted what they'd done, though tears were spilt. They honoured long gone friends and watched their progeny grow up, so sure the bedtime stories were all make-believe and jest. They made their presence felt wherever demons roamed the earth. They revelled in the violence and the blood.

Their love was true.


~~~~~

Comments

Part 20

[(Anonymous)]

Xander stood in front of the bathroom mirror, both hands on the sink, staring at his haunted reflection. “You are such an idiot.”

He gathered the cold water into his hands, splashing his face and then ran his wet fingers through his hair. Why did he do this to himself? Why didn’t he leave when he saw Spike’s name on the roster? If he’d been smart, he could have avoided the entire situation. Instead, he fell back into the same old feelings, which ended up giving Spike hope. Hope that would be shattered as soon as Xander made him realize that they’d been wrong. That it was a mistake. One that could never happen again.

For the next three days, Xander pretended as if nothing had happened. He tried to forget that they had kissed and touched and felt the connection that had always been so easy between them. He especially didn’t think about the look on Spike’s face, the passion and love when Xander took him between his lips. That Spike had called his name when he came. And that was the stupidity in a nutshell.

His stupidity in his lack of resistance, of common sense when he was around the other man. Might as well have just taken Spike’s ass. Condom be damned because what he’d done was just as dangerous. He’d been lost in it, wrapped around the sight, the taste and feel of a fantasy. A dream he’d lost where he was normal and could do normal things with his normal boyfriend. Where for once, he didn’t have to wear a double layer of rubber that made it almost not worth the effort in the first place.

Almost, because he’d had that, too. The feel of arms around him, hands gripping tight even if it was just to make it easier for them to fuck him, was better than being alone. There’d been countless men, nameless faces after William had left. Until Xander wised up, pulled himself out of the gutter of self pity and realized his selfishness would be the death of some unsuspecting fool.

From then on, he was careful, looking for someone only occasionally to fill the void, using two condoms and never letting them touch or be touched, even if it was just to have the ill-illusioned security of thinking he could avoid subjecting them to the same fate he was stuck with.

But then there was Spike. The one man who made him hate that he couldn’t have it all. That made him want to take chances against the odds. He’d looked into the blue eyes that held so many shared memories and experiences and his selfishness returned. He wanted Spike all or nothing and didn’t think he could handle settling for halfway.

So Xander put on a show of bravado and resorted back to the old standby that always seemed to work for him. Avoidance. When Spike asked to catch a movie together, Xander was unavailable. When Spike suggested a game of billiards, Xander was feeling sick and needed a good night’s sleep. When Spike invited him back to his apartment, he sighed uncomfortably, wanting nothing more than to give in and go with him, but he resisted, making another of a hundred excuses.

Re: Part 20

[darkhavens.livejournal.com]

He's determined to cut himself off from the world, isn't he? Poor baby. So full of guilt and self-hatred. Spike needs to kick his ass, shake him out of his blue funk. ;o)

Thanks!