darkhavens | Fic: 'The Plan'

Author: darkhavens
Title: The Plan
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: PG
Words: 650ish
Feedback/Concrit: darkhavens @ slashverse.com
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made.
Summary: Xander's Plan fails... or does it?
Notes: This is the third and last of my unrelated pieces written for

brandil and

crazydiamondsue's Music of Pain Xander-centric ficathon. (Masterlist available here.)

Bellamy Brothers: If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body (Would You Hold It Against Me)

If I said you had a beautiful body
Would you hold it against me
If I swore you were an angel
Would you treat me like the devil tonight
If I were dying of thirst
Would your flowing love come quench me
If I said you had a beautiful body
Would you hold it against me

Now we can talk all night about the weather
Tell you 'bout my friends out on the coast
I could ask a lot of crazy questions
Or I could ask what I really want to know

If I said you had a beautiful body
Would you hold it against me
If I swore you were an angel
Would you treat me like the devil tonight
If I were dying of thirst
Would your flowing love come quench me
If I said you had a beautiful body
Would you hold it against me

Now rain can fall so soft against the window
The sun can shine so bright up in the sky
But daddy always told me, 'Don't make small talk'
He said, 'Come on out and say what's on your mind'

If I said you had a beautiful body
Would you hold it against me
If I swore you were an angel
Would you treat me like the devil tonight
If I were dying of thirst
Would your flowing love come quench me
If I said you had a beautiful body
Would you hold it against me

If I said you had a beautiful body
Would you hold it against me
If I swore you were an angel
Would you treat me like the devil tonight
If I were dying of thirst
Would your flowing love come quench me
If I said you had a beautiful body
Would you hold it against me

The Plan

So much for that great plan, Xander mourned as he sluiced the dregs of Spike's latest blood and whisky cocktail down the drain. And it had seemed such a good plan, a simple plan - one with very little margin for error and no harsh rejection at the end of it if it didn't work out. And it hadn't.

He still wasn't sure what had gone wrong. Spike had been tossing innuendos and steamy glances his way for weeks now, and Xander had finally built up the courage to make a grab for the brass ring. A subtle grab, one that didn't necessitate him actually having to say anything meaningful. No, he'd decided to leave that to the music - a carefully selected mix of songs that screamed 'I want you!', 'take me!', 'fuck me now, dammit!' - and Spike had sat through them all - all three CDs - without a murmur of complaint, under the guise of teaching Xander how to cheat at poker.

And here it was, the final track, the one that was the musical equivalent of clubbing Spike over the head and dragging him off to the Xander-cave. He'd hoped the plan would have worked by now so he could stop the musical seduction way before it got to this song, but what the hell was the point when the vampire on his sofa was obviously completely oblivious to his carefully planned scenario.

Xander moved into the kitchen doorway and stopped to study the object of his desires. Sprawled on the sofa, shirtless because he'd spilled his latest 'cocktail' laughing at Xander's poker face, his feet, impossibly delicate and pale, propped one atop the other on the edge of the coffee table, twitching and flexing rhythmically to the opening beats of that song.

" If I said you had a beautiful body
Would you hold it against me?
If I swore you were an...

'Totally oblivious' vampire suddenly became 'moving at the speed of light' vampire, and before the Bellamy Brothers had a chance to really get into the swing of it, the CD had been ejected, snapped in half and tossed away.

"Bloody hell! You really are a diabolical git, you know that, Harris? What was the plan, eh? See how much torture I'd take before I got the message and backed off? Was that it? Well, threatening to call me an 'angel' just about did it. I know when I'm being had for a..."

"No!"

Xander looked as surprised as Spike that he'd actually screamed out that denial. "No," he repeated, quieter, praying for an apocalypse to strike, now, please so he didn't have to explain what he'd been trying to do all night.

"No?"

"No." He paused again, but no apocalypse materialised, no convenient portal appeared, so Xander took a deep breath and hoped Spike didn't laugh too hard.

"I thought... I mean, you seemed to... You kept looking at me, and saying things, and I thought that..." He dragged a hand through his hair and tried again. "I thought, maybe... But if I was wrong I didn't want to... And so... The music was... Dammit. Stupid plan." Xander smacked the doorframe with the side of his foot and watched the skin turn pink down to his toes.

"I'm an idiot, okay? Can we just..." Spike cut him off.

"...get to the shagging already?"

Xander's head flew up and he realised that while he'd been tripping over his own tongue trying to explain, Spike had stripped and arranged himself artfully on the sofa, dick in hand, and cocky smirk in place.

"You... You knew!"

"It was pretty bloody obvious after the first five minutes, luv. I just wondered how long you'd drag it out. I just sat through three soddin' hours of the most maudlin, nauseating music on this planet, so you owe me, yeah? Now get over here and show me what a Viking you really are."